The war at home Published Aug. 28, 2008 By Airman 1st Class Marissa Tucker 4th Fighter Wing Public Affairs SEYMOUR JOHNSON AIR FORCE BASE, N.C. -- After returning from a deployment, most Airmen, their families and significant others want nothing more than to spend time together. Sometimes, though, the reunions don't go as smoothly as planned. Upon the Airman' s return, they may find that their goals and dreams have changed, making it hard to communicate with their spouse or significant other, or vice versa. With frequent deployments, many personal relationships can crumble over the stresses of being separated so much. While all Airmen must be ready to deploy, members of the 4th Security Forces Squadron are particularly subject to the stresses of frequent deployments. Their one to one deployment ratio - meaning for every six months home, they spend six months deployed - can make it difficult to maintain or pursue a relationship. Maj. Benito Barron, 4th Fighter Wing Security Forces commander, hopes to combat this problem by having Airmen, families and significant others more informed about how to prepare for deployments. "We want all loved ones of our Airmen to know we are grateful for their sacrifice and to continue to support their Airmen," Major Barron said. "Before we deploy, we have base morale calls, we recommend that the families get in touch with the key spouse for the squadron, and we recommend that they go to the Airman and Family Readiness Center and see what programs they would be interested in." Senior Airman Phillip Bartell knows from experience that it can be hard for a relationship to work while deployed. He got married before his first deployment, but after coming home and deploying again six months later, things began to fall apart, he said. "I don't think she really understood why I had to go, and that's one of the reasons it didn't work out," Airman Bartell said. "Many times we have Airmen who come back from deployments who are volunteering to go on another one soon after," Major Barron said. "We put Airmen who have just returned on the bottom of the list. Although we love their enthusiasm, we have to keep it equal in order to keep our Airmen from burning out." Despite the stigma that deployments stress relationships to the breaking point, making a relationship last throughout constant deployments is far from impossible. "Communication is the most important thing," said Staff Sgt. Jacquetta Bice. She and her husband, Senior Airman Travell Bice, also from the 4th SFS, have been married for more than two years and have both experienced separate deployments. "You just have to put yourself in the mind-set that 'Ok, I know I'm going away, now how am I going to deal with it," Sergeant Bice said. Married Airmen are not the only ones whose relationships are affected by deployments. Airman 1st Class Dino Legg said he looked forward to his deployment, even though he would have to be away from his then girlfriend. Their relationship was rocky before the deployment, but when he came back, he found the relationship had faded. The Airman and Family Readiness Center here has programs to help married couples prepare for deployment as well as unmarried couples who are in serious relationships. There are also programs on how to maintain a strong marriage, Faye Jenkins said, a community relations consultant at the A&FRC. "You don't have to be married to come to lot of these programs," said Mrs. Jenkins. "We have programs like 'Reconnecting as a Couple,' where servicemembers who have just returned from deployment can bring their significant other and we'll have a free candlelight dinner, validation exercises and someone who has experience with frequent deployments comes and talks to the couples about how to maintain the relationship and how to communicate." Programs are available at the squadron level and at the A&FRC to prepare Airmen, their families and significant others to help make it through deployments successfully, but sometimes, some relationships just weren't meant to work. "It's all a matter of finding the right person," Senior Airman Bartell said. "I'd do it all over again if I found the right one."