Chronicles of the Military Spouse Published Oct. 25, 2013 By Staff Sgt. Steve Stanley Air Combat Command Public Affairs Langley Air Force Base, Va. -- There are no medals for a military spouse that sacrifices a career, a familiar home life or educational opportunities. No commendation medal recognizes the stress that come with rebuilding social lives, maintaining the balance of a family or following a military spouse around the world. However, for spouses like Tanya Lacey, the medals aren't important. Each day is just about getting by, one step at a time. "You're the mom and dad, accountant and the housekeeper and it just gets crazy," she said. A British national, Tanya, met her husband through an internet dating website while he was stationed in the United Kingdom. After a few months of dating and with a short notice PCS fast approaching, they married in 2009. Three bases and two deployments later, the parents of two children with another on the way, are no stranger to being apart. "We've missed two anniversaries, two birthdays and two whole summers together," said Lacey. "As hard as it is, I have to accept it and I just want to get on with it really." With her husband being deployed to Japan, the time difference is 13 hours and phone calls can be expensive. To stay in touch, the family uses social media. "We connect every morning and evening and Skype when possible," Tanya said. "I won't lie, it is very hard." Tanya's normal day consists of waking the kids up, making breakfast, getting the family out of the door on time, managing doctor's appointments, keeping a clean house, and performing errands that have to be done. On top of her normal daily tasks, Tanya is also preparing everything her family needs for their soon to be newborn. "It's especially difficult when your family is on the other side of the world," said Tanya. Her family resides in England and hasn't been able to visit because of the cost of travel. However, her husband's family has been able to make several trips. She said those trips were helpful. In order to get a break, Tanya and other military spouses get together once a week to vent and help each other with the kids. This combined with close knit, spiritual support groups help her through the tough times. "You make friendships but you have to break them because you have to follow your spouse around," said Tanya. Finding employment can be especially challenging for military spouses not only for overseas assignments, but stateside as well. "I had a really good English government job but I haven't worked since I moved to live with him," Tanya said. "It's hard to get back into work. When they find out that you're a military spouse, the question is raised about how long you are going to be there." Despite the challenges, Tanya has a few messages for new military spouses. "If I could sum it up for those who have never been through it, I won't sugar coat this for you---it is going to suck. You're going to have days where you feel your world is falling in, but you have to make it through that day and have to think that tomorrow is a new day and you will make it, and don't be too hard on yourself. If you have to make breakfast for dinner, then have breakfast for dinner because that's what you can manage that day. Just take little steps and don't wonder what anyone else is thinking." Tanya said it helps for military spouses to find a good support system with people who can understand what they are going through, to stay busy to help make time go by faster, and to remember it's not permanent, it's temporary. "If you worry about the little things, you're going to go crazy," said Tanya. Returning to a pre-deployment family life after a deployment can be challenging for both service members and their families, but there are numerous services the military provides to ease the transition. "When they get back you have to set aside time to reconnect. You have to talk it out or you will hold it in and go crazy one day. It has taken work but there are some very good counselors through the Airman and Family Readiness center," said Tanya. For more information on resiliency tools, contact your local Airman and Family Readiness Center or visit http://www.afcrossroads.com.